Patience is a virtue....That took me years to cultivate
I am part of a wonderful group of women who are moms and business owners. We meet once a month to talk about our businesses (and about our kids, our spouses, our vacations, our lack of sleep and other peri- and postmenopausal symptoms, and local happenings.. you know the drill). I have known these women for about 10 years, so I would venture to call them “new” friends. At a dinner recently, Heather, a “new” friend and member of the group, remarked about how patient I am. When she said this, I was stunned and immediately argued with her that I am actually incredibly impatient. Or at least that’s what people have told me much of my life. Then, when I got home from our dinner, I thought about what she said. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am patient…..now.
Turns out the evidence is around me. For instance, I put up a birdfeeder in August. I was told it might take a while for birds to discover it, but by October I was feeling a little concerned. People seemed unsure the birds would ever discover it. However, just the other day, I was sitting in my sunroom and noticed two birds sitting in the feeder. Miraculous! I have no idea how they finally discovered it. But one could argue I was pretty patient. It took the birds a while to find me, but they eventually did. Seeing birds there made my day and their visits continue to amaze me. And this is just one example. So maybe Heather saw something in me that I had yet to appreciate.
What has made me more patient?
I have lived more life
As a parent: I recognize that things take time. I have seen more and lived more and understand the benefits of patience. Watching my kids develop on different timelines has been educational. They both walked, talked, made friends, and tried new things on different schedules. They developed at their own pace. There was no rushing things. I was not in control.
As a coach/friend/sister/wife: In my relationships, I often help people find patience when they want things to happen right away. Reminding people to have patience is not only important to the the other person, but it turns out it has had a grounding impact on me as well. I try to practice what I preach.
My life has changed
I am no longer in such a rush. My life has slowed down. When I find myself rushing, I pause and ask myself why. Why am I in such a rush? And then I realize it is often out of habit. I no longer have carpools, family dinners, homework help. I can stop and smell the flowers. I can turn down the dial. I can take a breath.
We need both patience and impatience
Impatience is not all bad. Impatience is what helps us get out of a bad situation. Gives us the fire to move forward. To have higher expectations for ourselves and others. As a coach, I love to encourage my clients and help them build momentum and vision, but results happen in their own time. In fact I think that is what makes a good coach. A combination of yin and yang. Both energizing and grounding. Both aspirational and compassionate. Both loving and challenging. Both patient and impatient.
And I can be impatient with my kids when they dwell on a problem, underestimate themselves, play the victim. I am impatient when they give up their agency. And I am impatient with myself when I exhibit these same behaviors.
Recognizing my growth
Evolution takes time. I am 54 years old, so of course I am not the same person that I was when I was 14, 24, 34 or even 44. Maybe the benefit of having new friends is that they are only privy to the older, more evolved you. They are not stuck in old tropes. I am so glad Heather shared her version of me. And I am glad I did not simply reject her words. She allowed me to know myself better. And that is the best gift of friendship.
