And That's the Truth! On Mother's Day

I became a mother at 29 years old. One of the first in my cohort. When my friends visited me during the first few weeks of motherhood, I watched them leave with envy. Are they headed to a bar, a restaurant, out with friends? It was my old life I was grieving. I was shedding my skin as a 20 something absorbed in young adulthood. I was growing new skin. The skin of a mother.

I became obsessed with watching other mothers, reading parenting books, joining playgroups. I immersed myself in the role of mother. Like osmosis. Taking in what felt right and rejecting the things that didn’t feel like me. Not as cleanly as that sounds-it was a bumpy road defining my own version of motherhood.

Now I am 55 years old and I watch my kids leave the house heading to bars and restaurants and out with friends. And I wonder Who am I now? I am shedding skin again. The skin of motherhood.

This Mother’s Day I sit growing new skin. For a new role. A less defined role. A role that I get to define. Who do I look to? What do I read? Are there playgroups to join without having toddlers to play? I am on a precipice. A new stage of life. One that calls for action, but I just want to rest. I am not ready to dive into the next thing. Which means I am going to sit vulnerably for a while. Without a clear purpose. Without committing myself to the next stage.

Join me as I explore this liminal space. This space of listening, resting, reading, writing, healing, growing, awakening. A place where I am a mother, but not in the fully-embodied way I was for 25 years. I have new skin to grow and space to fill. And I am not going to rush it. Because I don’t need to and I don’t want to. And that’s the truth!